Today my daughter and I got rick rolled by my mum. She saw a special at the supermarket. Two for one on the two new ‘Mountain Dew’ flavours. Mum thought that my daughter would love this as they are brightly coloured. I asked her why she was trying to kill us.
Electro Shock. An electric blue in colour, I imagine it as a Smurf had chemo and then let their hydration slip, then took a fat piss onto a urinal cake. The flavour is similar. So sweet my teeth dissolved a little. In short, I hated myself a little just for trying it. My daughter however, loved it. Even though she called it toilet water. She went warp speed and threaten to “punch me so hard I’d wake up yesterday” when I tried to take it away. She then proceeded to terrorize us Speedy Gonzales styles all afternoon. An afternoon that climaxed with the nanny hanging herself off the top of the house, claiming that she “did it all for you, Damien.”
Pitch Black. It’s dark purple. I suppose Pitch Purple sounds a bit to much better? How should I know, I’m not in marketing. The taste is less sweet. I kind of liked it a littlish. Maybe I should have cleansed my palate with a nice red wine in between tests? At this stage however I was pretty high. High on caffeine, sugar and various food colourings. So high I decided that the cat might like Pitch Black too. The cat, who eats cat food, did not as the face clearly indicates.
Electro Shock; 1 Snapkick.
Pitch Black; 2 Snapkicks.
Both are weak. Not recommended. If it’s all you’ve got, roll the vodka straight instead. Probably have a much tamer hangover.